As a student of a small town in the middle of nowhere, I did not expect to have the journey that I did in high school. I expected smooth sailing and a quality time in the easiest ways. How I was so wrong. In fact, these past four years have been a roller coaster ride. With peaks and dips, yelling and crying, the long wait for such a short experience has now arrived. New riders got on with me as the experienced riders, laid back without a care in the world, stroll off to find a new ride. And now as I look back to all of the new and giddy patrons, I’ve realized I’m now the experienced one, kicking back, knowing all the twists and turns of this place. Facing the bright and shining faces of the first-timers makes me recollect my journey to this familiar building.
The "Four" year line
Getting on the ride took a whole lot of waiting. Something that I’ve noticed about the life goals that you are put in front of without choice are merely markers. There is no perfect end goal. I was put into preschool, and the main goal after that was to make it to Kindergarten. Fortunately, unlike the rest of my fellow passengers, I skipped this “goal” and went straight into First grade. Then the new goal was to make it to middle school. Once you hit middle school, all you have to do is make it to high school. Finally I hit high school, and college is shoved in my face and I have to work so hard to make it there. But as I look back at the eight years of waiting, and remembering finally making it to the coaster of high school, I’ve learned that it won’t be different. College will hit, and I’ll be on the grind to get my diploma so I can work. Well it does not get much better from there, as now you have to work to get a job, and work at your job so you can retire, where you wait to die. It’s all one big line leading up to 2-3 minutes of excitement, then going back to another line. We were told as children that high school is when things get exciting for life, but nothing has changed for our goals and nothing will change past that. It’s hard to ponder the thought of if it is worth waiting in line. If it’s better to just hop the fence and find something else, or if it’s better to just leave the whole theme park we call life. It is a dark and scary thought on whether to keep waiting or to just leave. But having the thought of why the wait is worth it is a beautiful and amazing thing to take pride in. It’s not always what you are waiting for, it can be the wait that makes it all the better. The people you bring with you to ride, the people you meet when the line forces your paths to cross, the strange and wacky people you see that make your day, or even just a quick minute of enjoying the atmosphere that surrounds you. The Lines you pick are more important than the rides you choose. The key is how you handle the standing and waiting. Whether you stare at your watch or sing along with the fedora kid in the back, that’s the important part of your life. Take pride in the the line, and don’t think for a second that it’s about the 2-3 minutes of excitement. You have the option to make the time you spend enjoyable for yourself.
The work i've left behind
If I had to describe myself to a stranger, it’d be a complex answer. A lot of things go into the person you are. It’d take too long before the stranger, realizing their mistake of even asking, walks away finding me to be the creepiest man they have met. Now if we take the same scenario, but change it to what I do, it’d be simple. Music. It’s what I experience for everything I do. I listen, create, feel, reflect, question, debate, and internalize music. It feels cliche to have this here, but it’s such a common trait for humans. We all enjoy some form of music. Without music, the expression of emotions would be fleeting. Music envelopes it, encapsulates it, makes the emotion you feel at that moment permanent. This can be a gift and a curse. I enjoy doing songs and covers for other people’s intrigue. To create the notes for one person feels amazing. I’ve done covers for people I love, songs for my friends, and some reflective music for myself to look back upon. As shown in this song I covered for someone I care about deeply in my life, music can be a beautiful way to spark emotions in others.
However, music can be used to hurt. Feeling angry at someone can create harsh and crass noises that can be devastating. The problem with it all is that songs are a permanent item. Like a text you send or something you say, once it leaves you, it is the world’s possession after that. It can be forgotten, but never gone. Remember that your actions are permanent. No matter how hard you try, they will never leave you.
However, music can be used to hurt. Feeling angry at someone can create harsh and crass noises that can be devastating. The problem with it all is that songs are a permanent item. Like a text you send or something you say, once it leaves you, it is the world’s possession after that. It can be forgotten, but never gone. Remember that your actions are permanent. No matter how hard you try, they will never leave you.
Childish mistakes/ apologies
Oh, how high school is filled with drama. It circulates throughout the school like blood through our system. It always comes at the worst of times. Whether it’s something you can’t handle at that time, or when you’re on top of the world, it always happens. This is where the roller coaster begins. The up and downs, the twists and turns. This is how it feels at points. I’ve personally been in a handful of events. It’s what I regret most in the past four years. There are too many to go through, but it has mostly revolved around love. I regret giving my heart to too many people. It’s a dangerous game to play. The drama of it all is what always kills the emotions. I feel as if there many apologies I should give. Some are meant to be person to person, and I'm hoping for that to happen before I get on with my life. But for now, there are three that I need to get out in the world, and I believe the people reading will know if it is them.
To my friends, I’m sorry that I took you on the down parts of my personal roller coaster. I know I wouldn't be standing here today if you weren’t there though, and you know too well how true that is. I will never forget you for as long as I live, and I hope you do the same. Even if I don’t see you when we get off this ride and find another, it was worth the entire line to get here with you. You made the line feel like a quick second, but i shall remember every millisecond within it.
To the friend I lost by my own accord, I’m sorry I pushed you off. I made the mistake of taking you for granted. I think that you know you were more to me than I let you think. You were always there with me, and you were smart to leave when you did. I worry that I ruined it forever, and for a time, I was okay with that. I left because I was too ashamed to face you. I always knew you were better than me, and even though we may be only three months of difference in age, I looked up to you. I wanted to be like you. You were happy and making it through this final ride. Now I know you were struggling as much as I was at points. I should’ve said something, but I was too invested in myself to see you were hurting. But hey, we’ve got three months left. After that, you’ll be green, and I’ll be red. I hope in this short amount of time, we can find some solitary ground to remember each other with. Even without that, I’ll always remember you as the person I wish I could be.
To my friends, I’m sorry that I took you on the down parts of my personal roller coaster. I know I wouldn't be standing here today if you weren’t there though, and you know too well how true that is. I will never forget you for as long as I live, and I hope you do the same. Even if I don’t see you when we get off this ride and find another, it was worth the entire line to get here with you. You made the line feel like a quick second, but i shall remember every millisecond within it.
To the friend I lost by my own accord, I’m sorry I pushed you off. I made the mistake of taking you for granted. I think that you know you were more to me than I let you think. You were always there with me, and you were smart to leave when you did. I worry that I ruined it forever, and for a time, I was okay with that. I left because I was too ashamed to face you. I always knew you were better than me, and even though we may be only three months of difference in age, I looked up to you. I wanted to be like you. You were happy and making it through this final ride. Now I know you were struggling as much as I was at points. I should’ve said something, but I was too invested in myself to see you were hurting. But hey, we’ve got three months left. After that, you’ll be green, and I’ll be red. I hope in this short amount of time, we can find some solitary ground to remember each other with. Even without that, I’ll always remember you as the person I wish I could be.